Reviews

G.I Joe Retaliation: Review

For a movie that was delayed for a whole year, G.I Joe Retaliation was darn unimpressive. I mean what kind of disjointed mess was I subject to watching?

My perfect example of awesome trailer to mediocre movie used to be Twilight: New Moon but G.I Joe just jumped on the train too!

Not only was I sorely disappointed, it just affirmed to me that we need a revival in movie entertainment that 2013 has to offer.

C’mon guys, no sentiments but I expected G.I Joe to at least help a bit but the high expectations were just thrown into the dustbin and emptied in the lagoon.

[toggle title=”Plot/Production“]I practically had to be doing some guess work while watching this movie and I kept asking myself, ‘how na?’…….. it just felt like my emotions were destined to be annihilated the more I watched. No one in the production team  thought it would be nice to explain how the Cobra folks got so much power to change the President under everyone’s nose; it didn’t help much that we didn’t even know who were genuine operatives or if the entire white house staff were Cobra Operatives.

Their stunts were marvelous at some points and entirely silly at others (OK maybe not entirely, but at best average). What failed me the most was the thought these guys had that they would just churn out some action movie with such an incoherent plot.

If you like them like that good for you, as for me, I wish they had released it last year so we could have insulted it well considering the movies it would have been released among. Just imagine coming from the Avengers high and then watching this……Please just Imagine. Arrant nonsense!

All that talk of converting to 3D blah blah was so the movie would not flop hard![/toggle]

[toggle title=”Cast“]Roadblock Played by Dwayne Johnson

I’m used to seeing ‘The Rock’ be a ‘Rock’ in his movies so this was not surprising and the name ‘Roadblock’ was also spot-on.

I enjoy watching the combination of his strength and wit but unfortunately, the plot kept distracting me and I just kept asking myself if they allowed the actors watch the finished version before releasing it? If they did, shame on all of them for agreeing to its release.

I know he was portrayed as a good soldier and all but the statement, ‘only one man who could authorize a strike like that and I voted for him’ just did not fit. If you want your actors to come to a conclusion, please put some clues in place for them to so we believe it’s a logical conclusion.

These folks (especially you Mr Rock) jumped from identifying the person that attacked them as a separate entity from their government, to assuming it was their government, to declaring it was probably the president in approximately 50 seconds. All without any sort of evidence we could pinpoint to substantiate their talk except Mr Rock’s gut feeling.

May I add here that I am sorely disappointed at the supposed attack to get rid of them, the manner they escaped and how easily they got back to the U.S. Eyin people, ko easy to yen, but whatever.

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Storm Shadow played by Byung-hun Lee

You may be expecting a review for Channing Tatum or Bruce Willis, but I’m not interested; their screen time albeit short was mildly enjoyable though. I suspect it was the stupidity of the plot that made Channing request for a quick death. #JustSaying.

Now unto our brother here, who was a bad guy, then a kidnapped bad guy, then a good guy, and then all of a sudden was in the ranks of the bad guys again…… Do these people think their audience are illiterates?

Did the Cobra people not notice that the Joes kidnapped him?  Abi wasn’t it their operatives that was trying to stop them on the mountains?

What was the explanation for his return to the ranks? Who is the Chick he returned with? Kai these people just messed up I’m telling you. Even some of those Universal Channel films make more sense.

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Flint played by D.J. Cotrona and Lady Jaye played by Adrianne Palicki

I hope one day I get to see these two in movies where I can actually review their acting prowess with good script but until then I’ll just they tried. I don’t think they made the film any worse (if that’s possible sef) or if they made it a little more bearable.[/toggle]

[toggle title=”Supporting Cast“]I won’t criticise these guys too much but I will all the same. Oga Cobra, all talk no action; Oga Snake Eyes and Aunty Jinx…. Eku ise; Mr President/Zartan…. you tried; Firefly… You were the real bad guy in this film don’t mind anyone that says otherwise; as for you RZA (Blind Master) please next time just tell them you can’t act the role.[/toggle]

This has been fun! For everyone who enjoyed the film, I’m glad you did. For everyone who feels the same way I do, sorry ask me next time before you go and watch a movie.

Now for those of you who haven’t seen the movie, you have two options:

  1. Go watch it and see if I’m telling the truth or
  2. As a review I once read said, if you get the strong urge to attempt to watch this movie in the cinema, just walk down your street, look for a beggar or donate the money to Charity! Thank you

That’s all folks!

7 Comments

7 Comments

  1. @shinobi_ennri

    16th April 2013 at 8:45 am

    LOOOOOOL… People dey vex. That second option though -rolling-

    • MoviePencil

      16th April 2013 at 4:08 pm

      But it’s true….. If any one thinks otherwise, please speak up

  2. Vunderkind the Tundrakind

    16th April 2013 at 4:03 pm

    LOL.

    I was never a fan of GI Joe, but thanks for the heads up!

    *Another day in the life of a man who hasn’t even strolled past a cinema*

    • MoviePencil

      16th April 2013 at 4:11 pm

      See I’m serious about getting you a ticket! Why wouldn’t you go the cinemas?! But still stay clear of G.I Joe….

  3. Ifeanyi Dike

    19th April 2013 at 12:16 pm

    What is wrong with the movie? You haven’t commented on the storyline, the talents, the technicals, nothing, absolutely nothing! Yet it’s a review or is it?

    Be more assertive and tell people what it is that is wrong or right. That is a review. Not just writing for writing sake. This is your diary anyway. so i guess you are permitted to write crap.

    • MoviePencil

      19th April 2013 at 1:00 pm

      I am going to assume that you did not click on the drop downs to read my comments on the plot/production, or cast. I repeat I will just assume.

  4. kunle

    19th April 2013 at 7:30 pm

    I know I wont b watchn dis film afta dis review. Ill b donating money to a beggar. Thanks for d heads up

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